Everybody knows that having a kid (or two) changes you…not only your body who takes on a whole different shape but also your mind. Having gone through two rounds of PND I know for a fact that I am not the person I use to be before I got pregnant back in 2009. I always wanted kids and love both my son and daughter dearly but it’s hard being a mum, leaving the old me behind, parenting….all that malarkey. I have mood swings, pretty shitty ones who affect not only me but also the people around me! Just before we moved I went back to the doctors to ask for help, I declined medication and signed up to a “online thing” instead I lasted all of 7 days before somebody called me to check how I got on and I said I just can’t find the time with the move and everything to “complete” the course and left it at that. Then we moved to a new house, a new town and I was pretty optimistic that it’s a fresh start for everything. I love our new house, the area and both kids settled well into their new school. But I am still the same and mostly feel the same….I didn’t really intent to write this post but something triggered after seeing this picture the other day popped up on my timeline, Insta & Twitter feed:
@evenangelsfallblog: “I feel like this photo sums up my day at #BlogCampOnBoard best – spending the day with like minded people and having a giggle! AK & Sara-Jayne totally looked the part in their nautical dresses!”
Normally when you ask somebody to take a picture of you or you take it yourself, you look at the picture, choose the one you like yourself in the most and delete the other 3 “failed” attempts of looking nice. In this case I didn’t even notice another person taking a picture of us and her write up above was her thoughts of how this day made her feel expressed within that photograph. My first thought of the picture was: “oh god look at my chin and my open mouth and my round face ugh I look horrible” I even messaged Emma about how I feel telling her “the old me would have asked you to take it down because I think it’s very unflattering picture of me but it does capture that moment of Sara-Jayne and myself having a giggle on those shimmery stairs in our fancy nautical themed dresses rather perfect and I am trying to accept myself more”. I also thanked Emma for taking the picture and posting it online! A few days later when I thought I could forget about that picture I read a blog post on Trips100 about ‘BlogCamp on Board – The Highlights’ where once again the same picture appears this time with the caption:
Emma-Louise from @evenangelsfallblog shared a fab pic of our two best dressed bloggers at BlogCamp on Board – AK & Sara-Jayne…
It made me smile (who doesn’t like such a compliment!) and cry at the same time. I guess it’s been a real eye opener for me! I have to accept that I am nowhere near the “Happy Me” I want to be again but moments like this one captured on camera (and actually most of that day spend with some amazing people on a pretty cruise ship) will get me there….slowly but surely! So I printed the picture and stuck it on my fridge door as a little reminder not to worry too much and just be happy!